Complications

I wish decisions that we make in life were as easy as making cookies. Even if you didn't know how to make cookies, attempting too is probably easier than dealing with real life issues.

Nothing dramatic has happened. Everything is still the same, but I have had a lot to think about. I was going to take a break from writing on my blog and focus more on writing this script that I have been wanting to do for a few months now. Then I was going to try and get an agent. Well I still am going to try and complete that. But I am not sure if i'll be taking some time off from writing on here yet. Today I had lunch with an old friend from elementary school. It was amazing to see how successful he has become. It inspired me. Because of him I must say I am highly considering improving my photography and creating a portfolio. Now with that in mind if you ever want to do a shoot, let me know! But going back to this, there are so many things I want to do and still have to do. My mind set is at full speed right now. And yeah I am a bit all over the place and it is scary because sometimes I conflict with myself in whether I want that career or to try to do the things I have been wanting to do. I sometimes wonder if I should stick to what I know. Photography is an amazing hobby and if I can make money doing that, it would be great. I am just afraid to be mixing hobbies with work. Does that mean I am going to hate it? Most of the people that have known me for years know that film has been in my heart forever and ever. When I was a child my dad was a janitor at the movie theater. He used to take us to the movies after school, weekends, every other day. That is where I was as a child. And here I am in a competitive industry facing a new challenge every time I get back in there. Right now I am waiting for a new job and I am more than eager to try something new. My friend telling me that there is possible work in photography is exciting, but it is scary. I always feel that there is always someone better, whether it is in photography or film. I mean yeah I got to work with Oscar nominated talent, but yeah I was an intern. Ugh I need to stop being such a wuss and continue to thrive for what I wanted. But then again what do I want? I want to travel, write, do film, win an Oscar haha. I guess nothing is stopping me from doing all those things. Nothing but myself, my own fear of failing. I know there are a lot of people that believe in me. And knowing that I have gotten my foot inside those studios is amazing. But I now I need to take a step further and not let go of opportunities that cross me. Not let go of the opportunity of being young and being able to do what I want. Yeah I eventually want that amazing job at a studio or magazine, or whatever. I do want to stay put. I've always wanted my major company job and wear cool suits and stuff n' stuff. But right now my fear is stopping me yet it is inspiring me even more in the creative side of my goals. Maybe this blog may lead to something, maybe not. For now though I need to stop intimidating myself and comparing myself to others.

Yeah I am mexican, yeah I grew up in a nice area, yeah we lost our house, yeah I am poor. But I know that everything will be OK. I am glad to be surrounded by people who support me. Now I need to support myself more. So what is my plan you may ask? Since I sound all over the place, besides getting my marshmallowed filled hot chocolate. I am going to build up my photography portfolio, I am going to write my script, and I am going to pray to my lucky stars that I get this production assistant job, and I am going to improve my German. So that is the plan for now... I'll worry about March later... like next week haha.