Thoughts

So I haven't written much lately, I know. A few things have been going on and not been going on. I was thinking about futures and expectations. The things we expect ourselves to achieve and do. The plans we make and the goals we each have. How sometimes nothing is what you expect. You may be wondering why I am going into these deep thoughts right now. Well I'll explain. I've been very observing lately, noticing how much each person i've known for years have grown up. Some are moving out of their houses, others have fantastic jobs, and some have just become adults and going through some difficult decisions. I ran into an old classmate from High School last friday. Last time I had seen him was at a fellow friend's funeral. That was 4 years ago. So not to get a dark cloud over everyone, but it was surreal to me to see how fast the years have gone by.

So what to expect from the future? Honestly right now I don't know. I had been planning my road trip for a while, but that has to be put on hold until further notice. So I took down my map. I am not sure if this trip will happen. So I guess that in some way that symbolizes that I really have no control of things right now. I don't like not knowing what may happen next and even though you try to prepare yourself for the good and the bad, it is better to not even think about it. I have a few things to think about. Grad school, work, moving out, traveling. So much in my mind right now. And I understand if I sound as if I am all over the place right now but I am not. I know I need to take things day by day and hope for the best. I don't think we ever fully have control of our futures. Because honestly I don't think any of us know what to expect. Hopefully it is mostly good things, but life is full of obstacles. Sometimes I wonder what it is the whole point of planning things. I mean are we setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment? I hope I don't sound too negative. But planning stuff and having it not happening always sucks. I am not just referring to my past planned trips, but waiting to hear for a job, or expectations you expect from family. I was having dinner with a friend last night, I had coffee with another earlier in the week, and spoke to another I haven't talked too in months, and it made me wonder about all these things. Everyone's life is different but sometimes we all end up making similar decisions. I guess hate the game not the player.. but by game I probably mean life. :/. Regardless though, I will try my best to remain positive in all my thoughts. That stuff gives us hope and all we can do is wish ourselves the best.

For now I hope things will work out in my future. I might start up a new job, I will continue to build my portfolio finally, and I will submit my Grad applications, which I haven't started. Shit I have till April 1st.... I'll be in Las Vegas! Anyway random thoughts. By the way being ignored is not fun, but rather really hurtful. I hope some Beatles make me feel better. It has been one of those weird weeks. I am hoping for a better one this coming week. Hiking tomorrow morning, then going to the bookstore at the Grove, and doing a shoot saturday at the beach. Nothing like checking out the sunrise in Malibu and taking a couple of shots. Very therapeutic. Anyway have a good sunday/ week everyone. Sorry if i sounded like a downer! but i think we all have these random thoughts at times, but everything shall be fine :)!