Birthdays... Bring it April!

Today it is my brother's 23rd birthday... yeah i think 23rd?? 1988? whatever, point is he is getting old. I made some pad thai for lunch and I baked him a cake. He isn't a fan of cake, so my plan was to make him a giant chocolate chip cookie... couldn't find flour! So i

had to settle in making him a chocolate chip chocolate cake.... leave it to Pillsbury cake boxes to save the day! Then the icing tube I got was too thick.. made it difficult to write happy birthday so I settled for YAY Carlos. Still came out like crap though :/. I did spend most of my day in the kitchen, but it was nice to see everyone enjoy my cooking. I should become a chef and open up a taco place in Germany or something haha. As soon as I showed my bro the cake I made him he laughed... but he was more attentive towards Rocko's Modern life on TV over my cake! Told you he was an ass!

So let's see what can I say about my little brother, he is an ass at times, but one of my best friends. He and I are about 3 years apart, we have always been close, have had matching PJs as kids, shared each others candies, punch each other, argued, cried, laughed, always got me in trouble, made me wait after school because of the constant detention, and killed zombies together (that new Wii we got is AWESOME). I wish my little brother nothing but the best, he is a good kid who gets in trouble, but he is growing up a good person. So I am proud of my little brother. Wish he made better choices but hey he says the same about me all the time. Only person that I allow to call me anything and never be offended by. So Happy Birthday Carlos! We are ending the birthday night with some pizza and Reservoir Dogs. Such a great film.

Speaking of Birthdays, today is also Ethan's 2nd birthday. Ethan is one of my close friend's son. It is amazing to see how fast time goes by and how great parents both John and Laura are. He is an amazing little guy and it is surreal to me to watch him grow. I guess that is how life works right? The circle of life.

Birthdays are interesting. I think as you get older you don't celebrate them as much. Same ol' same ol'. For my birthday this year I have no plans. It is still a bit far away. I guess getting older is something surreal for me. I never imagined myself at 26. I've grown up a lot in a matter of a few years. It is amazing to also see the friends I have grown up with. How they have changed. I have friends who I have known since I was 8, 12, 15, 20, and even at this age of 25. Life is interesting. I always have considered birthdays as a new year... so when New Years happens, it is exciting, but I think Birthdays are were it is at. That is the beginning of a new year in life.

So it has been a busy weekend for me. I went to bed at 3:30 AM 2 nights in a row.

Friday I had gone to grab lunch with a close friend who i had not seen in months. It was nice to catch up and have Sushi. Went to this super cool sushi place, for a second it felt as if I wasn't in L.A. After work that day I met up with another friend for a super late dinner. You know when I was younger I used to go out a lot, to bars, clubs, or just stay up late with friends. Then I got busy with work, internships, school, and so on. But as we were sitting at the restaurant, I got a little bit of a flashback from the old days. I guess people were coming out of the clubs. It is something else to watch drunk people as you are sober. Many Grenades (Jersey Shore term). My friend and I had many laughs, the things people say are hilarious, leave it to them to make your night. Although I have been a dumb ass myself before. My friend even had a funny encounter. Now this may sound like a joke, but as she went to the restroom there were 2 lesbians and a straight girl who were talking about how she is confused about her sexuality. All these going down in the restroom line. I guess stuff like this happens. I do miss going out late at bars, but ever since hipsterville has taken over, I avoid it. But oh the memories live on. Although next weekend I shall be in Las Vegas... I am very much looking forward to April!!
Before April comes though, there is a photo shoot I am doing for my friend's brother... it is going to hopefully be very cinematic I hope. We are trying to do a 1920's gangster setting. Hopefully it comes out awesome and hopefully it doesn't rain that day.

Well I have a lot to expect in April. Can't believe it is already here. Las Vegas will come first, so that in itself will be a whole new experience. I can very much use a trip. I am still hoping to go somewhere this year. I am not sure where, maybe road trip will still happen, maybe Europe, NYC again, no idea. I just know I will go somewhere sometime soon. Summer is around the corner! But going back to April... ah the month of Easter...which I already have that day off from work; I have an all day photo shoot all over the city of L.A this month as well. And I am going camping at El Capitan by Santa Barbara. Camping right by the beach! I have always wanted to do this so this will be a first. I think this will sort of be a fix for the road trip I was supposed to have. I am excited for all the photography I will get to do. And all the sunburn I will get. Just hang out and sleep by the beach literally. It is awesome to live in a state full of things to do. Last time I went camping was Yosemite, with Rosanna and Jonathan... this time it will be them again. So I can't wait till the end of April! BTW happy first day of Spring everyone!!!

Alright, right now I am making another birthday card as we speak. Birthdays are coming left and right. Time is flying us by. There will always be good and bad moments, but life can be amazing. You fall in love, you learn so much, you explore, you live. I feel as being 26 will bring a lot of amazing changes, so even though that means I will be getting old. Being 26 is something I am very much looking forward too.

Btw it is freezing in L.A. today!!! Anyway when I was younger I loved The Cars... so I am glad to see they have new music out! Very excited, they haven't released a new album since 1987! Here is their new music video:

Being Mexican

Being brought up Mexican American in this country is something I tell you. I was at the grocery store with my mom the other day, just standing there. This older lady approaches me and asks me if I speak English. I told her Yes, she pulls me aside and wants me to help her explain what the make-up she was starring at does, how she wears it, and so on. This is the story of my life. As a child I always had to translate for my parents. Till this day I still do and sometimes it was a challenge and frustrating. I had to learn how to translate words, organize my sentence structure in both languages and pretty much learn to speak both without an accent for either language. Sometimes I still get stuck on a word in either language. But I think at the end of the day it has helped me improved my languages skills immensely. When I was a child I always watch Spanish TV. Till this day my dad still watches Soap Operas (Novelas), something my mom never has watched. So it is kind of funny to see my dad sit there and watch them. I remember watching Siempre Domingo and Sabado Gigante. I always read the Spanish Newspaper, La Opinion.

I remember going to Mexico every 2 years and being bored. My parents always reminding me to speak in Spanish so we wouldn't get ripped off at the store. And spending all my time bored at the Bull Riding events... yeah bored. Imagine seeing that everyday of the week for 3 weeks...?? it gets boring and it gets embarrassing when all your uncles are drunk out of their ass because of all the tequila... haha, but I do miss it. Hopefully I can visit Mexico soon. Here is a clip from the events this year from my mom's town in Jalisco...

The older I've gotten the more I have learn to appreciate both my cultures. American and Mexican. I don't really see myself as fully being one or the other. I speak both languages, I celebrate both holidays, i have dual citizenships in both countries and so on. Although just because I carry a Taco wallet around, doesn't mean I eat tacos all the time. I actually am not a bad eater. I made ground turkey tostadas, earlier today. With Jalapenos, lime juice, Pico de Gallo, Chipotle mix in sour cream and I must say it was hella good. That means I can cook! I always love listening to music as I cook or wash the dishes. I guess music is life.

So being any type of race is always interesting. You have so much more knowledge of cultures. Mexicans have a very strong culture. We have our Friday Kahlo, Salma Hayek, Diego Luna and Gael Garcia Bernal, our Cactus, bull fighting, pyramids, our awesome food, fat mariachi guys, dads' with cool mustaches, and so on. Yeah, our culture is mix as well, many are from European decent or Indigenous. I remember being a kid, visiting my grandfather in Tlaxacala, Mexico. I had just finished my second yeah in German and as I was trying to be cool, I showed him some of my German. He looks at my dad and then looks back at me, starts speaking to me in Nahuatl http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nahuatl

I didn't feel cool anymore after that. Although, my grandfather was the only person I knew that spoke the native tongue. So there goes our culture. BTW the picture below is not my grandfather... I wish he was in the Revolution... then I could of heard awesome stories!

Point is being Mexican as being any other culture, is interesting. If I ever have kids, I hope to pass along some of my traditions and culture, both American and Mexican. There are times that we sometimes forget to appreciate who we are. Being born and raise in America can be a huge identity crisis. I think many people become Americanized and forget who they are or where they come from. Our values become different, sometimes for the better sometimes for the worst. I have gone through my identity crisis.. what am I? Mexican or American? I am both. And for the rest of my life I will be both. I'll stand for the pledge of allegiance, cheer for Mexico in the world cup (Damn you Argentina!), eat chocolate chip cookies, and curse in Spanish. That is who I am and who I will always be. I guess that is the beauty of being multi culture... there is always so much to learn and share. For example, I just learned that one of Diego Rivera's (Famous Mexican painter married to Frida Kahlo) ex wives was from the town next to where my mom is from and her last name was Preciado... go figure!

I know Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem aren't Mexican... but so far that is the closest a Mexican will get at an Oscar for a while :/. Still they both always bring out great performances! Loved Vicky Christina Barcelona!







Ok changing topics, I think today I applied to a gazillion jobs. No joke. I had not taken the time to apply for work until today. I normally avoid applying for a job for the fear of rejection. I am not sure why all of a sudden I am so concern about that. It is a tough world right now, so I guess in some way it is normal to get rejected? So hopefully I find something. i am assuming it is going to take me over 6 months to find something stable.... or any kind of job really. I am really bored being at one job... So I have re-polished my resume and send it out. There are so many companies out there, so many positions. I just hope I find something. Ideally in the movie world. But it would be great to do something in photography... let's see how things roll. And to Jorge... I will build my portfolio! I am taking your word and we are doing business :).

I have been spending some time watching movies. Last night I was watching Natural Born Killers... I fell asleep half way :/... So i'll try and finish the rest today. Trippy dream I had though! I wish I could write a movie like Quentin Tarantino. Next week I am watching Paul and catching up with my old college friend Laura. Should be nice, a movie in Hollywood. Seriously only an Angelino can really say that.

AT&T keeps sending me letters that I won 2 Androids... Uh I don't care! I want my iPhone! I am going to wait till the iPhone 5 comes out. Might as well. I don't think ill ever go back to windows... Apple all the way!

Alright I really have to pee... have a good one everyone.

Blah Blah PHOTOGRAPHY!

So over the past fews days I've been doing a lot of photography... well actually just this saturday. It was fun, waking up super early to go do a shoot. A lot of spots that are empty so it was perfect to take some photos. And as I was hanging out with my friends, they were very kind in complementing me on my shots. They were asking me for some stuff about my shots and so on. I pretty much knew that my lens was the key to getting better shots. And it got me thinking about, How did I end up learning so much about photography? So I have to admit, watching photography of others is always a great influence. But I really have to say that my favorite Mexican, actually he is Danish, David, has helped as well. Watching his photos and how fast he became a pro, is pretty inspirational. Plus him telling me about this lens... pretty much changed my life. So thanks if you ever read this! I wish I had better equipment and money to get it, but then again I give myself props for using a beginners camera to capture some cool shots. So my next photo shoot will be a long one. Going around the whole city of L.A. on the metro. After that, I will build my portfolio and cross my fingers to find some sort of work. I guess that is how you start business and get money to get better equipment. Never thought I would focus so much on photography or make somewhat of a career out of it. I know there are many more amazing photographers and photographs, but they were once like me, a beginner. I have still so much to learn. I'll get there I hope. But first, i'll need a new computer because this post it being stuck on my CD drive is pissing me off... it has been 3 years since it's been in there. It is kind of cool so how my photos are so different compare to the ones I used to take.
Changing topics...
I was having a conversation with someone earlier in the week that made me think, how do you know a person still cares about you? It was mentioned how sometimes she feels that her boyfriend doesn't care about her anymore, doesn't show affection, or takes her feelings in consideration. So it made me wonder if we sometimes want more than what we get when it comes to affection? Are our own expectations too high? Or should someone really go out of their way to remind that significant other, "HEY I still care about you!"? Although how far can you go to explain to the other person how you feel without sounding like you are complaining, begging, or desperate? I guess when you are secure about a relationship you don't need to be reminded or to ask for more affection. It is the little things they do that remind you they care about you. The conversation, the laughs, the hug, the fact that they are still there. Our actions can do so much to scare someone off or to give them enough reason to leave. But if they are still there, that is enough sign that they care about you. Although, any person has the right to say, "Hey pay more attention to me, I feel neglected." But maybe those are the early signs that the relationship may not be going in the right direction. I know couples that have been together for years and I admire them. They treat each other with so much respect and love, that it brings a huge smile to my face, because there is hope out there! I am no one to advice anyone in relationships. We all handle it differently. We all experience similar yet different scenarios. But one thing for sure, we all want someone to care about us. If we are not happy at all in our relationship, then what is the point to drag someone down with you? Sometimes a necessary change needs to be made to not lose that person.

I mean don't go out of your way to pretend to be someone you are not in order to impress someone. I think most people would feel the way I do, it is really annoying to see someone try so hard to pretend to be someone they are not. I think they only end up hurting themselves. Trying to live up to an expectation they are not. Why wear tons of make-up to impress some dude, or why get the most expensive car to impress some girl. Bull shit. I know I am not the only one that thinks like this. I'll admit, that I've done that before. When I was in High School, I liked this skater kid. So what did I do to impress him?... I tried to skate. Yeah, dumb right? Well I didn't know that, I thought I was impressing him, but I wasn't. Now the skateboard and I aren't friends. But that kid and I are... and that only happened when I stopped pretending and started being myself. Plus him being himself was a total turn off. I know at first when we like someone we try so hard to impress them. But as long as we are somewhat true to ourselves or snap out of it, then we are OK. It's important for people to like us for who we are. Whether it comes to friendships or lovers. And hopefully there are people who are true to themselves when they are around you. Anyway point is, when it comes to trying hard to impress, we all done it and some people still do it. They crave for attention. And sometimes they get the person, but how long will it last when the true colors come out? I mean isn't it hard to try and be perfect all the time anyway?

Wow I feel like I should write a book on this shit. Actually no, I lack credibility. Relationships are hard. Liking someone is hard. Being single is hard. I could go on and on. I guess, if you have someone in your life, regardless of your situation, enjoy them. Especially if they make you happy. If you feel the need too, remind them you care about them.

So saturday I went to the movies and saw Battle of LA. It was intense shit right there. Good movie. I guess destroying LA in movies is always a fun thing and very common. I read an article once that said, L.A. is always ideal to destroy because everyone knows where it is and I guess since it is the heartland of movies, why not destroy it in a movie? Makes sense. But it really made me think, wow we are screwed if aliens ever take over! Anyway, it was fun to have a nice day out with 2 of my favorite ladies. Dinner and a movie. Nothing like it. Overall I can't complain about my saturday. I am actually really sleepy. Las Vegas in 2 weeks, something I am very much looking forward too, i really need something exciting to happen. Really crossing my fingers this road trip happens. Would be amazing to do shots all across the beaches of California.

By the way this is a great song, reminds me of summer. Don't know why. Check it out.

Another day

Over the past few days, I have tried to distract myself from all the weird news I keep getting. I just got news that a job I wanted fell thru. Ugh. But there seems to be a chance of another one. So here is to hoping it leads to something. I have a shoot to do in downtown L.A. this saturday. Waking up early, at 6:30am. I am actually excited to do this shoot. I haven't gone to Downtown L.A. to do some shots. My friend actually wants me to do a few shoots using me. So that makes me a bit nervous because I have gotten used to taking pictures of others. I think I have literally fallen in love with photography. I may not be the greatest photographer or have anything to show for. But I feel the need to take my camera everywhere now. Not sure what inspired me to actually take this serious. Maybe it is a few friends or just the mere fact that it is another activity that resembles film. It could be the old man that cleaned my camera, that taught me a lot in a matter of an hour, and that reminded me that my clumsiness isn't covered by my Canon Warranty :/. I do miss my film classes and talking about films, and learning about film techniques. But I learned about a new passion I have. I need to go to LACMA and check out the current exhibit going on about photos from Hollywood. Anyway, I wish I could travel and do some more shots.

Speaking of traveling, my friend invited me to join her in a trip to Spain during the summer. Tempting but I can't rush into things right now. Plus I should save my money. I always love looking at planes fly over. It makes me wonder where those people are going or coming from. I really loved Europe. I dream about going again! I loved Rome and Budapest so much. I am tempted to go again. But once again, I might decide to go at the end of September somewhere in Europe. Not sure, I don't think I like talking about trips anymore since it is always a possibility I might not go. Not that I am pissed off at anyone or anything. Planning trips is always a fun thing, so I just rather not get too excited about them in case they don't fall thru. So lately i've avoided speaking about any of them. :/

I know the girl that is always enthusiastic about traveling, doesn't like talking about it. I just need to get my spirits up and i'll eventually will start talking about it some more. Actually, things aren't that bad... because I am going to talk about my upcoming Las Vegas trip. I am sooooooooo excited. From my understanding I am supposed to pretend that I am a bride and I just got engage. Honestly, as long as I am plastered, I don't care what we do. Because I am sure it is going to be a trip that I will probably not remember... so that means it will be a great trip. I adore the ladies I am going with, so I trust them that this will be a good time. Plus it will be nice to get out of L.A. for the weekend. I've gotten a few drunk calls from friends each time they visit Vegas, always sounded like they were having a good time.

I did go to the Grove this monday. It was cool to see AC slater again. i think this is the third time I run into him in my life. Funny how I have ran into him and Steve O from Jackass all the time. I see

them more than some of my other friends. Odd. Anyway, I had some awesome Barbecue and got some cool shots. It was a nice distracting day. I finally got my book, American Psycho... so far soo good. Each time I read the book, I envy all the great shit these men had. Even in the 80's. Now all I want is an Ipad 2 and a Canon 50D. Sigh.

By they way I will break the news here. I don't think i'll be applying to Grad School this year. I'm going to hold of it and just try to do a few other things instead. Like traveling. And just trying new things. I don't know what those things will be, but right now fuck it?

Which I do want to say this, I really want to thank my amazing friends for all the lovely advice I've gotten from some of you over the past few days. I appreciate the coffee chats, late dinners, movie nights, and so on. I even want to thank some of my co-workers. I seriously enjoy the laughs I get from some of those guys. I guess my reason for bringing this up is because, it is always nice to have those friends to keep life exciting. Sometimes we get down, but i know I always have amazing people around me. I am still bummed about a few things. I won't get too personal. But yeah, thanks to the lovely people around me! By the way if you have a gmail, follow my blog! It is always awesome to read your comments and see that I have followers. Means a ton to me. Plus it will make me feel super cool! :) But most importantly, I hope I am interesting enough to be followed :).

So it is Ash Wednesday everyone... and for every catholic out there that reads this... no meat! Well today and friday. So I went to mass and already asked for forgiveness

for the meat I am going to accidently eat. Anyway, since I was a kid following the Catholic traditions has been a major thing in my life. I am not going to lie, church is boring, but doing all that stuff also brought great memories of being a kid. I remember when we lived in Hazard Park, right by the 10 freeway in East L.A., we used to always go walking down the hood, yeah hood, and do church stuff. So today I had a lot of childhood memories come to mind. It's always fun to get creative with our food, what to make that doesn't have meat??? Oh just random news for those of you who knew, I went to the doctor and I am anemia free, thank god! But tomorrow I have go get some more blood test done. But that is lovely news, I get to donate blood again! I am type Positive O, which means people of all types of blood, can use mine regardless if we are the same or not. So that is very good to hear.

Seriously... summer needs to come sooner. BTW anyone recommend getting a twitter?

Thoughts

So I haven't written much lately, I know. A few things have been going on and not been going on. I was thinking about futures and expectations. The things we expect ourselves to achieve and do. The plans we make and the goals we each have. How sometimes nothing is what you expect. You may be wondering why I am going into these deep thoughts right now. Well I'll explain. I've been very observing lately, noticing how much each person i've known for years have grown up. Some are moving out of their houses, others have fantastic jobs, and some have just become adults and going through some difficult decisions. I ran into an old classmate from High School last friday. Last time I had seen him was at a fellow friend's funeral. That was 4 years ago. So not to get a dark cloud over everyone, but it was surreal to me to see how fast the years have gone by.

So what to expect from the future? Honestly right now I don't know. I had been planning my road trip for a while, but that has to be put on hold until further notice. So I took down my map. I am not sure if this trip will happen. So I guess that in some way that symbolizes that I really have no control of things right now. I don't like not knowing what may happen next and even though you try to prepare yourself for the good and the bad, it is better to not even think about it. I have a few things to think about. Grad school, work, moving out, traveling. So much in my mind right now. And I understand if I sound as if I am all over the place right now but I am not. I know I need to take things day by day and hope for the best. I don't think we ever fully have control of our futures. Because honestly I don't think any of us know what to expect. Hopefully it is mostly good things, but life is full of obstacles. Sometimes I wonder what it is the whole point of planning things. I mean are we setting ourselves up for failure and disappointment? I hope I don't sound too negative. But planning stuff and having it not happening always sucks. I am not just referring to my past planned trips, but waiting to hear for a job, or expectations you expect from family. I was having dinner with a friend last night, I had coffee with another earlier in the week, and spoke to another I haven't talked too in months, and it made me wonder about all these things. Everyone's life is different but sometimes we all end up making similar decisions. I guess hate the game not the player.. but by game I probably mean life. :/. Regardless though, I will try my best to remain positive in all my thoughts. That stuff gives us hope and all we can do is wish ourselves the best.

For now I hope things will work out in my future. I might start up a new job, I will continue to build my portfolio finally, and I will submit my Grad applications, which I haven't started. Shit I have till April 1st.... I'll be in Las Vegas! Anyway random thoughts. By the way being ignored is not fun, but rather really hurtful. I hope some Beatles make me feel better. It has been one of those weird weeks. I am hoping for a better one this coming week. Hiking tomorrow morning, then going to the bookstore at the Grove, and doing a shoot saturday at the beach. Nothing like checking out the sunrise in Malibu and taking a couple of shots. Very therapeutic. Anyway have a good sunday/ week everyone. Sorry if i sounded like a downer! but i think we all have these random thoughts at times, but everything shall be fine :)!